5 Toddler Feeding Mistakes I'm Guilty of and How I Fixed Them

Raem used to be at the bottom of the height and weight chart. I was determined to get him to move up without realizing the negative repercussions I was causing.

Eating time almost became synonymous with wartime. It became so exhausting for both of us. Raem became more and more defiant as I became more and more frustrated.

It was not until I reached the chapter in Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care book on feeding problems that I realized what I was doing wrong. In my effort to make sure my son eats well, I was creating a bigger, long term problem.

I did not know that I had traumatized my toddler about eating by:

1. Losing my temper

Every time he would defy me, I asserted myself more. Instead of creating a pleasurable experience, which is what dining is supposed to be, it became a dreaded activity for both of us.

2. Bribing him with dessert

I didn’t realize that I was glorifying sweets while making him dislike the healthy food he had in front of him. I wasn’t equipping him with the ability to make smart food choices for himself.

3. Threatening to punish him

Negative reinforcement rarely works and this was no exception. It reached the point that he would choose to go on a time out rather than eat. That’s how much he disliked eating.

4. Serving more than he can finish

I always served him the targeted amount for his age. And it became too overwhelming. Instead of celebrating wins, it was too much. In the same way, adults can eat different amounts of food before feeling full regardless of age and gender, it’s the same for kids too.

5. Staring while urging him

Imagine yourself eating while someone stares at you as you chew. Talk about awkward. Well, that’s pretty much what I did while keeping a watchful eye on my little boy. I know, I don’t know what I was thinking.

I went through serious mom guilt and endeavored to give my son, and myself, the grace to reframe my approach to feeding him.  I knew I had to work on undoing the food trauma of my picky eater.

I’ve tweaked the suggestions of Dr. Spock according to what works for my son and we ended up with these:

1. Stay chill and control my temper

It’s a conscious effort to approach mealtimes with kindness and patience. I take deep breaths and have changed my mindset. Eating is one of my favorite activities not just because of the food, but because of the experience and the connection I have with the people I dine with. 

2. Let him choose between 2 viands

Instead of taking away his freedom by forcing him to eat, I give him the chance to freely choose between 2 good options. This might not be a luxury we could have all the time, but if he feels likes he’s part of the process, it makes him feel included. 

3. Let him eat at his own pace 

Some people eat quickly, some eat slowly. Allowing him a little more time to eat without the pressure of finishing up right away allows him to digest his food properly.

4. Serve less than he can consume 

This is about celebrating small wins. Manageable goals build more confidence. Celebrating = happiness = pleasurable dining experience. He also learns how to determine for himself when he’s full. This will help train him to listen to his body.

5. Talk about other things besides food

Practicing this helps us connect better. It also helps ease the pressure and takes our minds off the elephant in the room and encourages him to participate in discussions with the family.

Ultimately, we’ve had to eliminate the pressure to eat. It’s a work in progress but I’ve definitely seen some positive results. We still have a lot of room for improvement. I’m just so happy that now he asks for food on his own. The first night we tried this, he had 2 pieces of chicken (normally, he wouldn’t even finish 1 piece.). He even chose the parts that he wanted. I was amazed!

To top it off, because I had mindfully chosen to stay calm, he stayed calm too. Everyone in the household was on board. They were skeptical for sure but at least mealtimes are a lot more peaceful and pleasant now.

As always, with anything health-related, it’s recommended for you to touch base with your pediatrician about it. You may also want to ask about vitamins to supplement your little one’s nutritional needs.

Would love to hear from you. Do you have a picky eater? How are you coping? Have any of these worked for your toddler before? Do you have other tips to share? Let me know in the comments below.