As a mom whose identity shifted when I brought new life into this world, I have learned that the key to thriving despite changes to my body, mindset, priorities – and life as a whole is confidence. Of course, being self-confident feels good! However, self-confidence also translates into other areas and creates healthier relationships, resilience, better work performance, and the courage to try new things. 

 
Many strategies, ways of thinking, patterns of behavior, and practical tips exist for improving your life and self-image, but none of them are worth anything without foundation. You know deep down who you are, and that is the foundation. And as we evolve as moms, it becomes necessary to get to know ourselves again. It would be best to have a certain level of confidence to find that and show your (new!) true self - here are the three keys to absolute inner assurance.

1. Identify your core values

Photo by Matthew Henry from Burst

I find it very revealing how once your toddler starts asking questions about anything and everything, including never ending “Why? Why? Why?”, you’re forced to ponder about what you value ultimately. A person must know and understand their values to feel genuinely confident inside. As part of who you are, your values are the building blocks, the foundations, and cornerstones of who you are. Whether it be beliefs, progress, family, fun, nature, achievement, or freedom, a value you hold most dear. These core values are reflected in our choices and even modeled for our own children.

 
What causes you to feel angry, frustrated, demotivated, or deflated when encountering some people and situations? Of course, we think negatively when one or more of our values is denied, suppressed, or repressed since it diminishes a fundamental element of our identities. But, on the other hand, do you know those times when you've felt alive, unique, or thrilled? Those are the times when you honored your values. You just feel it in your gut. You need to get to a point where you are experiencing accurate alignment, like that, consistently.  
Your values are all yours, and no matter what happens, no one can ever take them away. However, you can have absolute confidence in them because they're there all the time, just waiting for you to notice and use them. When you get to know your values, you can start making choices and aligning your life around them. I’ve found it helpful to talk with a coach to recognize and honor my values as the first step to see where change needs to occur. Reflecting and journaling also helps to extract the themes around thoughts that emerge. Taking this self-inventory will help you gain confidence in yourself and who you are.

2. Strengthen your confident-mama muscle

Photo by Sarah Pflug from Burst

You need to exercise your confidence to ensure that it does not shrink or waste away. Consider the case of someone who doesn't take many risks, goes through their daily routines doing what has to be done and doing it well, but not expanding their horizons very much. And you and I both know how easy it is to be sucked into these routines and sticking to what’s familiar. Because something is too scary or because it's “not who you are”, or you don't want it, you might talk yourself out of doing it. It is that kind of person who lives within the boundaries of their knowledge and comfort. Taking a more negligible risk requires them to be less confident, and they become less satisfied as a result. 

No matter how big or small, take risks to flex your confident-mama muscle. Is there something you’ve always wanted to try that you haven’t gotten around to doing? Perhaps learning a new language or learning to cook a new cuisine? You may benefit from stretching yourself in an unfamiliar direction, from trying something new or trying it a bit differently. Even small incremental changes count! All the more should we be open to possibilities around us and push ourselves to learn, grow, and become more. You will develop more confidence the more relaxed you are to risk, opportunity, and possibility. 

3. Be mindful of your self-talk

Photo by Wynne Neilly from Burst

• I am confident.
• I am grateful for everything I have in my life.
• I am intelligent and focused.
• Today is a phenomenal day.
• I am growing.
• I am learning.
• I will overcome this.
• I am making the correct change.
• I am enough. 
• I am the best mama for my child. 

Life gets easier when you genuinely feel inner confidence. Inner confidence is a gift that plays out in so many ways. And best of all? It's something you control. This list provides a few ways to start increasing your confidence.

Learning how to act confident can help you feel more satisfied in many cases. Our kids look up to us, and if we want them to grow up to be confident as well, it’s important that we embody confidence as well. Practicing these every day and giving yourself grace on “bad days” can significantly help you achieve your goals and create the life you have always dreamed of.

Did you find this helpful? Share the link on your stories and tag me to share this with your friends too! Cheers to our confidence journeys, blissful mama!